Posted by: eileenandrory | June 24, 2010

My turn to say something

So what do you do?

What do you do when your partner wants a radical change in life and your heart supports that but your head says it’s not feasible??  Yes, I don’t make comments on here very often, Rory has that pretty much under control, but this is meant to be my blog too.  So, here I go wading in making a comment.

My darling other half seems to be having a bit of a crisis at the moment.  To be fair he has been having the same crisis over and over again over the past few years.  Ever since we have been back in NZ if I was honest, and if he was totally honest.  He ‘fell’ into the career he has now years ago in the UK because I saw a job that he could do at our Head Office.  So it went.  He did really, REALLY well at it.  All because it’s a helping job, and Rory loves to help people.  It swells my heart with pride and love to know that.  That’s one of the things I love about him.  However like all jobs it does have its downside and now that career is not so much a career as a millstone.  I say a millstone because our life, and our children now demand that we have a certain income level.  He can’t change careers midstream, drop everything, retrain, earn peanuts and then gain some soul enhancing satisfaction.  He’s stuck.

As you can see from the rest of his posts, he did try out to be a Corporate Whore recently, and fortunately for him he didn’t get it.  But, I tell you what PISSES me off most of all about the whole process!!  Interviews are designed for those who can FAKE IT the most.  I can say that, because I know I can do it well, and I have, and without sounding arrogant, I can ace most interviews.  Unfortunately for Rory, he lacks any degree of artifice and WILL NOT fake things for an interview.  That sort of behaviour melts my heart, but does not win jobs.  Rory is a devastatingly humble person, will not blow his own trumpet, will not “stretch” things a little to fit the circumstance.  I love him for that, but what it does mean is that interviews are not his strong suit.  The fighter in me wants to go and give that woman a good talking to, does she know what sort of man she has turned away?  With Rory what you see is what you get – and trust me, not many come better than that.  If he says he will do it, he will, and believe me he wants to help you, thats what he enjoys.  He’s just not that great at interviews.  And what the hell is this craze with “competency based questions” anyway.  Sounds like a load of bollocks to me.

On the other hand I’m proud of him.  He realised that this is not for him and that he wants something different.  Proud, but unbelievably scared.  It’s terrifying to live as the non-bread winner and leave that sort of decision to the bread winner.  We made the choice that a parent stays home and looks after the kids, but what happens when the one earning the money doesn’t like the way they are earning the money anymore??  What happens then?  Does the bread winner resent the non-earner??  What does that mean for the kids?  It’s not like we are young and childless anymore with the ability to just chop and change as we please.   If I did go out to work we would have to put the kids out to daycare, and as much as this is important to Rory, contracting out our parenting all week is not really an option either of us want to consider.  And there is the thought that for me to earn a decent amount of money so that he could be doing something he enjoys I would probably have to go back to doing something I don’t enjoy and ditch a whole bunch of other things that I do.  We rob Peter to pay Paul.

I am just starting to develop a new career for myself, and that has taken the better part of the last 5 years.  Admittedly I have been raising children over that time, so I have not been sitting on my backside, I know it’s not easy to change careers, it takes time.  Sure, I am starting to earn some money, but that’s some money and is a drop in the bucket compared to what poor Rory is able to earn.

So what can we do?  We have reduced expenses down, but with the inexorable increase in costs that children bring we can only just stay on top of things.  I say ‘just’, because some weeks we are not and some weeks we are.  The ‘just’ is very accurate, there is no room for extravagance here.

If I am truly honest with myself there is probably more space for money savings, but those decisions are very uncomfortable ones.  Did we really need to buy the toy car for our son when he was screaming his head off having a tube shoved up his nose in the hospital?  No, we didn’t, but can you blame us?

So, my heart, being torn in two, says he/we need/s to do what is right for him/us.  And what exactly is that???


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