Meditation, the Universe, and Cleaning up the Mental Mess

So, I have been ignoring ALL the signs so far this year.  Everywhere I look I see something about meditation.  There are fliers at University advertising free courses.  I stumble across meditation books in the library or in bookshops, and I randomly find articles about it while surfing the web.  Weirdly, loads of the parenting FB sites I subscribe to are mentioning it a LOT.  Then when I started I Ching, the symbols that came up, every single time I consulted the I Ching were if not directly about meditation then they were at least pointing that way.

Yeah, I know, maybe the universe is trying to tell me something.

So, today when I stumbled over (for about the third time and in a different place each time) the book called ‘Hurry Up and Meditate’ I took it as a BIG sign that the universe was telling me to wake up and actually pay attention.

You see, I made a commitment last December to meditate, to find a wee space of inner peace, not just for me, but for the family too, but mainly for me.

Last week I needed that meditation, the ability to meditate, the ability to find the quiet space, the eye of the storm.  I needed to dig deep and find things again, things that in the mess of life had been hidden, if at least only momentarily from view.  This week I lost sight of a few things:

• Assignments are a lot easier when you actually start them and then the fear starts to recede
• The longer you leave the assignment the worse the fear gets
• My son does not know how to wipe his own bottom and no matter how much I shout up the stairs that he needs to do it himself it will not magically happen and, you stupid woman, where was the empathy when you lost the plot then?
• It’s ok to “prioritise” things according to my schedule and my families schedule, but sometimes, just sometimes other stuff gets in the way.

I am pleased to say that even though I had a rough week I did remember a few things, and I’m deciding to focus on them, to use them to view the week in a positive way.

• I listened to someone, and I changed my schedule, because even though I needed to be somewhere, being there, with her, to listen was more important then.
• I helped facilitate “stuff” to happen for that friend, in other areas of her life, and I feel good about that.
• I decided that listening to my inner voice about not wanting to do something was more important than doing it.
• I apologised to my son.
• I actually started the assignment and it’s not too bad… so far.
• I met someone who talks more than I do and had to sit back and bite my tongue and allow her the space to talk it out, and boy she did, and boy I learnt about how that feels from the other side of the fence!

And… I learnt that I need meditation, because it keeps yelling at me, in a VERY un Zen like way, that it and me are meant to be.  So, hopefully next time I visit here, the assignment will be done (or else I will be in trouble), I will be meditating and my friend will be feeling a lot better about a lot of things.